By Any Other Name

“I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.” 
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

I love roses!! Perhaps it may be a bit of a predictable flower for a woman to like, but I do love them. I love the way their petals gently unfold from a tight bulb into a full spread of overlapping clusters of colour and scent. Roses smell like sweet bits of heaven. The scent is all consuming. But, along with the rose also comes the warnings of pain and hurt. The rose extends from a leafy stem that is dappled with thorns. It resists the human touch while seeming so attractive. The flower is delightful while what lies beneath is sharp and uninviting. It is only when it is too late that you realise that you have reached out to the long stem and gently grasped a thorn into the palm of your hand that the truth of the rose is realised. The rose is something to be admired, soft to touch and magical to smell. But it is at a distance that it wants to be appreciated, stopping anyone from coming too close to take hold of it, to remove it from the plant, the place of its sustenance, the source of its life.

Is this what I am like in my friendships and relationships with people? Do I only allow people to see the surface of who I am. Do I put up a scented front, where I try to be perfect, beautiful, successful? Do I pretend to be who I am around others? Because if they looked below the exterior they would see the thorny me. When I was growing up I did not make friends easily, I found it hard to allow people to see who I really was because like the rose I knew it would not be attractive, not because people didn't try to get to know me, but because I could often be this thorny person. I was often too honest, too blunt, I wanted friends to be loyal and despite my thorniness I wanted them to continue to hold onto me.

It took me time to learn that I need to soften who I was. I needed take down the fake exterior and also  remove the thorns that would often force people away. But along the way there were those who stuck around. Real friends. People who for some reason wanted to still be my friend even though I could fail at being a good friend. With the love from friendship that developed with special people over the years I naturally began to soften. I found that my friends changed me, I began to be who I really am. I stopped building a fake facade, pretending to be sweet, but I also stopped growing the thorns that would later push friends away once the rose disappeared or had seen its time through.

The Rose by Thea Proctor depicts two friends sharing in the scent a fresh pink bloom. They share in the delights of its smell and beauty. The artwork shows a beautiful perspective where we look from behind one woman to the face of the other woman. Yet neither woman engages with the artist. Their focus is completely in the smell of the rose and the intimacy of friendship with each other. This painting reminds me of the hope and strength and reliance I have in my friendships. My friends have changed me for the better. I am a better person because of those friends who didn't care about the thorned exterior.

Don't give up on those people who after the newness of friendship wears off become these thistles. They are still a rose, they still smell sweet, they just need someone to believe in them, to believe that they are a worthwhile person to befriend. Value your friendships, value what your friends give up for you, value the reliance your friends have on you, value the moments of silence when nothing needs be said, value the moments shared over coffee, walking to the beach, having half conversations with children interrupting you, the times you cry together and the times where you need to be the shoulder that they cry on, value the times where your friend chose you to call, value the times. Just value the times that you get to spend together, even when you are doing nothing all. Find value in sharing the sweet scent of friendship.